Not My Father's Son: A Memoir

Difficult to say you "like" something that is so violent and brutal, but I like Alan Cumming, so I read his book. I don't understand how he ever could have had a kind thought, or word, about his vicious father, no matter his mental condition but everyone's different. This is a tough book to read. His father was a petty, controlling, violent, mentally, physically abusive and hateful man who sucked the joy out of the lives of everyone around him. He terrorized his family. I imagine the only reason no one tried to stab him to death, over dinner, was because he was stronger than they were. Still, his mother stayed and allowed her children to tortured. No one knows why people do what they do, times and place bring out different responses to events. Only she knows why she stayed. Alan Cumming loved his maternal grandmother and the love she had for him was a bright spot in his otherwise tormented life and probably helped him survive. Much of the book is taken up with the reality show about finding who you are. During the filming he found out about his maternal grandfather and that helped him in many ways. Mr. Cumming loves his work, loves his husband and is close to his older brother and his mother. He seems happy and he appears to have overcome much of the damage his father did. Unfortunately, whathappened to AlanCummings is happening right now, to children everywhere. Children are tortured, beaten and abused everyday. The book is honest and heartfelt.

Before reading this memoir I only 'knew' Alan from his character, Eli, on The Good Wife. He was such an interesting actor to watch. When I read this book I was reminded how we don't know what path someone has traveled to bring them to the place and time that we see them or get to know them.I'm in awe of the honesty of this book. It was painful to read about Alan's childhood. To think about the constant fear and anxiety he dealt with daily makes me admire him as a person. To rise above the pain and become a person you who cares about others moved me!I recommend everyone to read this book. A reminder of what's important; to love those who truly love you. To let go of those who only want to pull you down in their pit. Each of our lives look different as we work to do both but in the end it brings the most peace possible!

Truth be told, I was not familiar with Alan Cumming. Before buying his book, I noticed that he was a celebrity, but one that I did not know. I feel I know him now.What a childhood. Heartbreaking.His story is beautifully told and without bitterness. What impressed me the most, though, more than the horrors he and his family faced living with arbitrary abuse from their philandering father, was his compassion towards his mother.Here is an exchange he recounts, starting with an excerpt from an email he sent his mother:“... Tom (his brother) and I are here for you, Mum, and love you, and never stopped loving you throughout any of it.”The next day we spoke... The first thing she said when she picked up the hone has stayed with me, and always will.“I never knew he had so much evil in him, Alan.” (end of excerpt)To me, her words speak volumes about what it is like to be in an abusive relationship.

Poignant and unashamed, a compelling read. I don't usually read memoirs and I didn't know what to expect, but I could not put it down and it was the first book I thought about during my workday in a long time. Loved the focus on Mary Darling, especially toward the end, maybe because I'm a mom, too. It showed the progression of life for all of the family. Also loved the insight into the life of a working actor.

I really did love this book. A fast page turner! Fascinating story and brilliantly written by a gifted actor. You just never know what someone has lived thru in the past when they are famous and seem to have it all. The terrible life that Cumming endured during childhood, I am sure made him the man he is today. When you think of adoption, you may think..."gosh, I'm not sure I can do that, because you don't know what you are getting, do you"? Well surprisingly, nor do you know when 2 parent's DNA mixes and out comes a child so unlike you, they may as well have been adopted! No matter how many children you have each one is a mixture so different from their siblings as well. In Alan Cumming's case, THANKFULLY, he turned out to be a man to be admired. So sad his father lived his life with such anger and bitterness; what a waste of a life. Such damage the father did to his boys, and yet Cumming rose above it. What a blessing it was to have a sibling that he could go thru it with, so that he wasn't so isolated. Siblings are great witnesses to what one has lived through, so as an adult you have someone to tell you weren't crazy, those things really did happen to you! Great book! Thank you for sharing your hurtful, turbulent childhood and adulthood with the world, Mr Cumming.

Stellar! Very enjoyable if you can say that. To see into someone's life is not always a good thing. It's not a "story" for enjoyment like a thriller. You have to have an interest in a person to read their biography/memoir and the openness and honesty in this book by Mr. Cumming is truly retrospective. Just a judgment from another person about a celebrity's life but it makes us all more human. All lives matter.

I came across a very young Alan Cumming in a quirky TV series The High Life in which for us he was the star of the show. I'm no fan of the 'celeb' culture and I would never normally buy a 'celeb' autobiography but this came up as a suggestion based on other books I had bought. We are the same generation and I had a Scottish childhood very similar to his with respect to our family dynamics and for this reason I bought the book. I was fascinated by Alan's open, honest, moving account of the enduring abuse he suffered at the hands of his diabolical but obviously damaged father. I could have written the letter he wrote to his father myself. In my family there are still some who believe our family secrets should remain just that and I haven't been believed by some about some of my memories. Like Alan I have a very supportive sibling and we have the same memories so we know these things did happen. Perhaps I should write a book myself! Alan, I salute you and thank you for writing this book. As a survivor it helps to read what others have been through and to read our identical reactions. As for those comments about jazz hands and luvvies - Ignore them. These lucky people obviously haven't experienced being repeatedly abused as children in the one place they should have felt safe - no understanding, compassion or empathy. I couldn't put this book down.

This is by far the best autobiography I have read. Definitely not the usual celeb 'aren't I just wonderful me me me' type of book which is refreshing. Alan's story will stay with me for a long time I think.I saw Alan when he appeared at Ayr Gaiety Theatre many years ago as part of the funny and charming Victor and Barry duo. Who could have guessed the horrors that this seemingly carefree lad had endured in his young life and what an amazing life he had yet to live.I am happy for him that he was able to discover his brave,strong and kind grandad to maybe help counterbalance his memory of a father who was the complete opposite.Suffice to say I loved this book and I thank Alan Cumming for having the courage to share his remarkable story.

What a book! Intelligently and skillfully interwoven chapters of childhood and adulthood experiences make sense and order from a family and individual life story that prompts incredulity from the author to the same level as that of the reader. I had a real sense that Mr Cumming was a friend sitting next to me, astonished at each new revaluation as it spilled from his lips. Those of us who come from comparably dysfunctional backgrounds will, like me, both suffer with and gain strength from this book. If you make it past the first quarter of the book without having to find and watch the Alan Cumming episode of Who Do You Think You Are then you are not fully human. Perhaps the very best thing about this gem of a book is the hope and humour that it conveys - that's only achieved through a great deal of theraputic hard work, and while that's not overtly stated, the writing itself is a roadmap of how this is done - no denial - awareness, acceptance and action writ large. So grateful to have had the opportunity to read this.

I had no idea that Alan Cumming was brought up in the same part of Scotland that I was, although not at the same time. It was exciting to read about places that I, too, knew.But, to the book: Alan Cumming has written an outstanding and sometimes heart-stopping account of the relationship he had with his father – a bully and an adulterer who revelled in inflicting terrorising psychotic mind games on his son and subjecting him, on the slightest pretext, to physical beatings. As soon as he could, Alan left home and, as we know, he eventually became a very successful actor of stage and screen. What’s remarkable is the graciousness of Alan’s writing: he manages to convey the malevolence of his father without being angry or bitter. All credit to him for that. The story is deftly interwoven with his experiences of his 2010 appearance on “Who Do You Think You Are?” when he embarked on a journey to find the truth behind the suspicious death of his maternal grandfather in Malaysia in 1951. It’s a nice touch. Flipping between his childhood and the quest for truth about his granddad gives the story ballast. So, what of the tease in the title - is he or isn’t he his father’s son? Read the book and find out!Just one thing bothers me, though. It’s clear from the book that Alan adores his mother. But why, when she seems to have done nothing to protect him from her husband’s psychological and physical abuse?

If I describe this book you probably wouldn't buy it. "Quite famous guy goes on tv show to find his family tree and writes book about it." The first thought would be "Money making exercise!" I saw Alan Cumming being interviewed about the book on tv and vaguely remembered him from an anarchic Scottish comedy tv show called "Sky High" years ago (I still have the recordings).There's just something about the way this book is written, allowing us to take the television show journey with him as they search his past and the secrets it reveals. I really enjoyed the journey (as that's how it felt to me) and was anxiously turning pages to find where it was going next. All of us wonder if there is a story in our own family trees and I thought the way that Alan wrote this book brought me into his personal trip. Even if you are not sure quite who he is, this book easily stands on it's own merits.

In reading this book I have discovered that Alan Cummings is not just an brilliant actor but also an excellent writer. It is also amazing that he has achieved anything of any great substance in life giving the appalling experience he had in childhood at the hands of his father as he details in this book.Alan writes so well, one can hear his voice and it felt as though he was telling his story directly to me. He interweaves his childhood experiences with what he discovers on his journey through the making of the programme 'Who do you think you are'. I didn't see the programme but would certainly like to catch up with it having read this book.I would highly recommend the book to anyone with any interest in Alan or who appreciates a well written non fiction book.

A well written autobiography and more interesting than most for its chatty and quirky style.I've followed Alan's career since his Victor and Barry days and think his versatility as an actor is far too often underrated - he could play so many parts given the opportunity, in my opinion.I really enjoyed reading Alan's story and whilst it may not be to everyone's taste as reviews suggest, I liked the 'then' and 'now' chapters linked with his 'Who Do You Think You Are' appearance.I see that he omits to mention amongst his credits, his 'turn' in the Bond franchise Goldeneye, Perhaps it was more for money than an Oscar but we all have to pay the bills. More power to your elbow Alan, you're an ordinary lad who accepts with grace the extraordinary job that you have and I wish you continued success - I hope you cram enough into your career to be able to write the next instalment before too long!!

Loved this autobiography. Not a genre I usually read but was recommended by a friend - Alan Cumming an actor who has been around for a long time but only recently come into my scope when I started watching Instinct. Really enjoyed this book, sadness, regret, happiness - emotions fall from the pages and I felt a connection to Alan through his words. An insight into his life that left me happy that he came out the other side with a smile on his face and made me wish him a happy, peaceful and fulfilled future.

I very much enjoyed this book. I like Alan Cumming anyway and this well written book added a new dimension to his talent. Written honestly, it was harrowing at times and although there was no happy ending, he resolves the issue, or at least is able to move on. I watched him last night on a tv drama, and I've a new admiration for him.

This is a very readable and compelling little memoir. It concerns events that came to a head during the making of Cumming’s episode of "Who do you think you are?" The book is written episodically, it jumps from childhood to time present and back again, however as the writings specifically focus on Cumming's physically and emotionally abusive father, this makes an effective device, as too long a chapters about this sadistic brute of a man would have been overwhelming – after an episode with Cumming senior we need the relief of Alan’s happier and successful time present. Credit is also due to Cumming for his psychologically insight into how the past impacted on his adult development and time present. Sometimes the stress of what he is having to deal with is wholly palpable. As well as contemporary and shocking revelations made about and by the father there is also the unravelling of his grandfather's life (and death) that also present some fairly startling revelations and touching conclusions.Though Cumming reveals some of the narcissistic egotism that seem necessary criteria for being a "star", and I personally found him banging on about his "happiness" with his "husband" tedious, (since the "husband", is completely irrelevant to the story) if found the book, as a whole, deeply moving and for anyone who had a difficult childhood very resonating. If ever there was an argument for heterosexual men needing licences before they were allowed to breed this was it.Sadly the episode of "Who do you think you are?" was removed from youtube 2 days before I finished the last page, and though I have little interest in that sort of reality TV, that episode I passionately want to hear and see after this read, (they should have sold the book with the accompanying DVD) .

Wonderfully written.Thought provoking and insightful.Will be recommended to all and sundry.Thank you for sharing your story Alan.

Completely absorbing. Terrifying, revelatory, inspiring, uplifting, life affirming. Our histories may create us, but as Alan Cummings has so ably proved, we decide who we are going to be, and hence who we are. Everyone should read this one, and better still, listen to him narrating this tale himself. I had no idea, although theres no reason why I should, but reading it, it struck so deeply, how little we often know or guess or even speculate about each other.. A brilliant and moving account of his family skeletons, both metaphorical and actual.

What an amazing experience... gripping from the very start. Alternated between reading myself and listening to the narrative but had to go back to listen to Alan himself telling his full story, very well written, very gripping, emotional, happy and sad. I hope writing this was as therapeutic as it sounds and he continues to heal and live his best life......

This was recommended for our book group. I found his account of his childhood very moving and at times very difficult to read as it resurrected memories of my own childhood that I'd rather forget. The book overall, however, was uplifting as it showed how the writer overcame his horrible past and eventually found happiness. It was also a fascinating insight into the making of Who Do You Think You Are as Cummins traced the life of his maternal grandfather.

I couldn’t put this down. Could almost hear his voice as I read. A very talented actor and now writer of this mind-blowing tale of his early life with a controlling cruel father but loving mother who was helpless to prevent his abuse. Having escaped that childhood and become successful his father entered his life again to cause more pain and upset. Excellent read.